If we want less anxiety about our loved ones we must increase our tolerance of uncertainty by putting our checking behaviors on a diet.

Over time we fall into a pattern of addiction that distracts us from being present in our own lives. When we actively check to make certain someone is safe and happy, we reinforce the perception that there was a threat to their safety and happiness, in effect “feeding the monkey”. Those thoughts and feelings are eased when we pick up the phone and get confirmation that they are OK, but this reassurance comes at a hidden cost. What if my loved one got in an accident? What if he’s sick? What if she doesn’t love me anymore? Our brain gets hijacked and we start thinking in “what-ifs”. When a loved one is out of sight and we can’t be 100% certain they are happy and safe, the monkey sets off alarms in the form of cortisol and fight-or-flight signals. The impulse to check and see how others are doing is triggered by our limbic system, what I call the monkey mind, that governs our emotions. But we don’t have to have this disorder for us to be engaging in checking behaviors that interfere with relaxation and presence. Intolerance of uncertainty and worry about loved ones are often associated with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD. This innocent micro-behavior is an integral part of a mega-problem, the most common problem I treat-intolerance of uncertainty. In a March 2018 poll by the APA 68% of respondents said they worry about “keeping myself or my family safe.” Our cell phones are our favorite tool to keep that worry in check. With the proliferation of cell phones, most of us have dramatically increased our checking on loved ones. Hey did you get my last text? (sent 2 minutes ago!)

Text me to let me know you got home safely.

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Resources.

Types of Mental Health Care Professionals.

Adult ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs).

Obsessive-Compulsive & Related Disorders.

Just checking in on you meaning